Sunday 14 July 2013

Never fake tan whilst drunk and other summer lessons...

Sorry, I feel like I've been playing away with the neighbour's husband and just aren't emotionally available any more.

Because of my dirty affair with all things Babble. I'm not gonna lie - it takes us a huge chunk of my time - thinking about articles and then getting the photos and all the uploaded and saving and stuff to write. I probably over -write, but I want a job done well, not a cursory effort. So what with that and work being busy as ever and kids - folk often ask me 'how do you get the time?' I don't.

I watch 'The Returned' on fast forward, reading all the subtitles (and it is great - go watch). I haven't exercised in like ever, and so my clothes are that bit tighter. I am just about keeping on top of the laundry and I'm trying not to turn into a cranky nightmare in this heat-wave. I know, all we do is slag off the weather and then when it gets good, we STILL grumble. I'm just not into heat. Give me autumn any day of the year. Trying to work out what to wear, when I have zero clothes to cope with this onslaught of sun, makes every day a challenge. Apparently it is here to stay as well. Better get investing in some flowy, floaty numbers. The only people who look good in heat-waves, are matadors and bikini models wearing dental floss neon things on Miami beaches. The rest of us just swell and bloat and sweat and burn and curse our Irish ancestors for bequeathing us such flimsy white skin that never tans, but only goes a fetching itchy shade of 'blotchy.'

The one thing I have learnt  this summer, is never ever buy a spray on fake tan for your body. And two, never ever buy said fake tan and apply whilst drunk. You know, that old, "A ha! I am one step ahead of the game here... getting my tan on, so tomorrow when that sun splits the sky - I can indeed get my pasty white legs out! How clever am I?" Only to wake up and discover that it looks like I've had some bad stomach ailment and it has accidently leaked all down one calf...

So apart from tryin' to keep my cool, I'm bloggin' (usually about stuff I am enjoying writing about - how old is 'too old' to be a Mum, and slagging off GP and all that) and I'm slapping sunscreen on my kids and trying to figure out what the fuck I am doing childcare wise this summer.

Right, I have 10 mins until bedtime, just enough time to squeeze in the folding of laundry and half an ep of The Returned. Busy, me? Never....

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